Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
