I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
