They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
