yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
