Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
