Who wears a wallet chain?!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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