xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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