She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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