i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
