so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
