How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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