**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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