I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We had to coat check the pizza.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
