The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
