the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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