I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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