Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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