Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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