my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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