i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
