If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The struggles of a small town man whore
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
