I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
