no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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