I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
