Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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