its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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