Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
