Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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