So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
