The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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