its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just sent this text using only my big toe
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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