today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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