masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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