I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
