I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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