He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
