Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
