he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
