I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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