I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
