i need an iv and a liver transplant
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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