I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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