AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
4 words: hood of his car
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
