At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
