I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
