Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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