i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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