Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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