It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
