and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it's like iHOP with fire
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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