I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
